


The Last Duel - the film script no-one wanted

by StillGotIt



Category: Adam Driver - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-18 21:32:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22733518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StillGotIt/pseuds/StillGotIt
Summary: Jacques LeGris and his old friend Jean de Carrouges have a falling out. Jacques fancies Jean's gorgeous wife Marguerite something rotten. He behaves very badly. A fight ensues.
Kudos: 3





	The Last Duel - the film script no-one wanted

The Last Duel

The film script no-one asked for. 

Scene I  
The bedroom of Jacques LeGris.  
LeGris lies on a rumpled bed naked, with two naked women.

Enter a servant  
Servant: Sire, you must arise!  
LeGris: But I have arisen four times already tonight!  
Servant: I meant you must prepare yourself. Your great friend Jean de Carrouges is visiting with his new wife and she’s a right corker!

[LeGris leaps from the bed and dismisses the women. He takes a long warm bath. He dries himself carefully with a towel. He anoints his body all over with scented oil. He brushes out his hair and trims his beard. He eases his body into form fitting tights that emphasise his manly attributes and dons his shortest doublet, the type known colloquially in fourteenth century France as a ‘bum-freezer’]

Scene 2  
The home of LeGris.  
[LeGris greets Carrouges and his wife. Carrouges is a crusty bad-tempered old git. Marguerite in a gorgeous high-spirited woman in her twenties. As soon as LeGris sets eyes on her he is smitten, he not only desires her he is IN LUUUURVE. She can’t fail to notice that he is top totty and a lot more exciting than her boring old husband, nevertheless she behaves as a dutiful wife.]

Carrouges: Marguerite, please greet my great friend Jacques LeGris with a kiss.  
[Marguerite approaches LeGris and he sweeps her into a passionate snog.]  
LeGris: [whispering in her ear] Later, my lovely!  
Marguerite: [blushes] You are very forward, Sir.  
Carrouges: Oh, don’t mind him, he’s known for it. [He laughs and slaps LeGris on the back]. Hands off this one, though, old friend.  
[LeGris smiles knowingly at Marguerite]

Scene 3.  
Carrouges castle interior. Carrouges and LeGris  
LeGris: [Fuming] You tried to cheat me out of my property! We are no longer friends! [He storms out]

Scene 4.  
Carrouges castle exterior.  
Carrouges : [Riding away on his horse] I am off to war! [Marguerite waves him good bye.]

Scene 5  
Carrouges castle interior.  
Le Gris arrives. Marguerite is alone.

LeGris: [He stares at her hungrily] You know how much I desire you. I cannot hide it, especially in these tights. I know you feel the same.  
Marguerite: I cannot deny it, I have feelings in my loins for you, and my husband is a boring old fart who can’t get it up half the time. But I must remain faithful to my marriage vows.  
LeGris: Oh come on, just a quickie, no one will know.  
Marguerite: I cannot betray my husband, much as I do fancy you.  
LeGris: Look, I haven’t got all day. [He unlaces his tights. Marguerite cops an eyeful of the promised land and faints. He picks her up and carries her to bed.]  
[Fade]

Later

Marguerite: Oh, I am undone. I came three times, but it was against my better judgement! You cannot treat a virtuous woman this way. When they ask if I was ever abused, I will cry out #MeToo!  
LeGris: [Stuffing his manly attributes back into his tights] Not to worry. Your husband is a rubbish fighter. He’ll probably be killed in battle, then we can carry on where we left off.

[A trumpet sounds.] 

Marguerite: Oh me! That is my husband returned from war!  
LeGris: Fuck!

…………

Scene 6  
The Royal palace.  
Carrouges and King Charles VI of France. 

Charles VI; Oh, she probably made it all up! You know what women are like.  
Carrouges. I thought so too, but she has had a child and it looks like LeGris. It has his ears. I want justice!  
Charles VI: All right then, but you’ll have to fight him to the death. Is 29 December all right? Nothing on in the theatre that week. Might as well make a night of it, we’ll get some of the lads round. All you have to do is kill him. [He signals to a servant to make the arrangements.]  
Carrouges: But he’s bigger than me!  
Charles VI: I can’t help that. And if you lose, that proves your wife lied and she will burn at the stake.  
Carrouges: I’ve changed my mind!  
Charles VI: Too late – I’ve ordered in the beer.

…………..

Scene 7  
The Duel  
A cast of thousands, with horses, peacocks and elephants.

LeGris: [Gloating to Carrouges] It will be humiliating for you, a knight of France, to be bested by a humble squire!  
Charles VI: Good point. [He knights LeGris] Let battle commence!  
The knights mount their horses. The fight lasts about twenty minutes. 

At last the combatants face each other on foot. They are exhausted but LeGris is winning. Carrouges is wounded in the leg.  
Carrouges: Admit it, did you pork my wife?  
LeGris: I deny everything!  
Carrouges: But little Robert has the biggest ears I have ever seen on a child!  
LeGris: [Grinning] Only his ears? Prepare to die! [He raises his sword for the killing blow]  
Carrouges: But if you kill me, Marguerite will burn! If you truly love her you should be prepared to lay down your life for her. It’s the knightly thing to do.  
LeGris: Is it? Bugger! [LeGris surrenders and Carrouges raises his sword for the final blow. Cut to the cheering crowd.]

……….

Scene 8  
Carrouges is congratulated by the King. Marguerite hugs a small child who looks like a miniature version of LeGris. 

THE END


End file.
